It has been 2 years since my forced business hiatus. What an interesting time it has been! My boss is a slave driver.
Note to self: try and be less demanding on yourself.
With so much uncertainty about whether my business will survive this COVID lockdown and whether I feel comfortable returning to work, I’m spinning. I’m like a pendulum, constantly swinging back and forth between fear and driving my business forward.
Whenever I feel uncertain or worried, I tend to throw myself into busy work – perhaps this is my best avoidance technique. But I have also found this technique to be immensely satisfying. To be able to focus on something I have some influence over is empowering.
Today, my busy work was my messy desk. I am by nature a clean freak. And a lack of a clean working space leaves me feeling irritable. Yesterday, I realized that I had so much paper on my desk that it was time to organize it. I started with a punch list
of all my outstanding projects. Pulling the piles together bit by bit, I wanted to gain some clarity about which tasks needed to my priority. As the list expanded exponentially, my commitment to distracting myself became obvious.
I decided it was time to simply walk away for a bit.
I quickly realized that fear was my uncomfortable companion; it represented the unknown. And with some convincing, I also realized that uncomfortable is good. It is healthy and natural. My constant busy work is a normal response to these undoubtedly challenging circumstances.
With today’s newest revelation, I will approach the pendulum with kindness and recognize that when it swings to the uncomfortable, I will simply ask myself:
○ What am I afraid of?
○ Why am I afraid of it?
○ What am I trying not to think about?
○ What negative outcomes am I envisioning?
Remember to stay focused on the future!