You Don't know what to do?
You feel lost don't you?
Well I suppose, I just don't know.
What defines a person who is lost?
Someone who doesn't know where they are.
In order to be lost, you have to know where you want to be right?
Well, where do you want to be?
The first thing that is going to happen is that, for once, you will entertain the outcome that you desire, you might picture it, or honestly admit to yourself what you would want.
And in this honesty in what you want, you'll come to a certain level of sadness.
Sadness brought on by the realisation that you don't have it - and don't know how to get it.
The same way a person may feel if they are truly lost.
Whether there is no clear on direction on a map, or for the purpose of our lives - either way we feel without.
Without structure, without confidence, without a purpose, without belonging, without Certainty.
"I already knew I felt that way, so what's your point"
The point is simple - You need a new Map, and that new Map needs a destination that you can reach.
In order for it to be reachable - it must be clear, it must be detailed, it must be real to you.
Define the goal - I know, the word goal right? The idea that you have to be 'motivated' or 'achieve something' or even put pressure on yourself, that 'didn't work' last time.
But wait... as always - there's method to my madness. (And it is madness)
A WORTHY goal (As in... it means something to YOU), this creates a reward system in the brain, the natural dopamine feed that you need, and consistent pressure towards something that YOU DEEM worthy, will reward you - It provides a structure for your existence, it gives you something to look forward too, it gives you a new direction.
"I've already told you! I don't know what I want! or what I want to do!"
This isn't a step that everyone will face, but one that I certainly did.
It was just THAT simple, I didn't know what I wanted ... I had no idea!
But I did know something... I know what I didn't want, I didn't want to look in the mirror and feel ashamed, I didn't want to have to wake up at 3 am, I didn't want to NEED a drink in order to feel ok.
This brings us to the real first step - Sculpting our goals
I get that I know what I don't like... but I don't know what you mean...
How would a sculpture begin with his carving? He doesn't gather rocks together to build his dream - No - He knows what he does want sure,- but to create it - He first has to chip away everything that he doesn't want!
I want you to do this...
Step Three - Fuck Reality
"Whoaw, shouldn't you be more ... professional"
Not at all - this is important, and so withit deserves a certain amount of passion.
Your whole life, people have told you to "Be Realistic"
Fuck that - and Fuck those people
Why? - The problem here is conditioning - you are allowing the ideologies of others to condition you to believe that you are lacking in one way or another.
And this is all premeditated on what... your experience? No - on theirs, on their beliefs, on their limitations, on their ideology.
Let me ask you a serious question:
How does it make you feel when someone tells you, that you are not good enough, no matter how much you really wanted it?
"...Not good... terrible in fact"
And here's the second part of this question, who decides what you do? Who is it that defines what actions you take?
If you're sitting there blank, it's okay - I was too at first, the truth is ... you do! You can decide to act on anything that you so choose too.
"but if I did they might..."
This is where conditioning comes in, and the phrase fuck those people comes in... Only you get to decide what you do - and if that is the case... and you act on something, don't you think you will likely see progress towards it?
Don't get me wrong, there are always things to consider, inner thoughts to entertain "What if I acted on what I wanted and it hurt them and upset them" - Well it might, but if they do not respect what you truly desire, aren't they, in turn, hurting you?
No! Today, we do not let this happen, today we decide to take back something that was stolen from you without your own knowledge.
Your inner strength.
It doesn't happen overnight, that's why its called conditioning, it's based on conditions, conditions like the time someone you loved told you that "Oh it doesn't work like that", or "There's no jobs out there", or even if in the moment you stated what you wanted for yourself - what you dreamed of, they looked at you with doubt. What about when you tried going after a goal once and it didn't work? How did that feel? Well it hurt - you have no idea how much that hurt...
And once again here in lies the core truth of what needs to change, your emotional conditioning - due to these past mistakes, or insights from others you are refusing to even concider that you could have the great things in life for yourself.
Oh and yes... I mean it, YOU ARE DECIDING THAT
This is the next step -
Step Four : Understand your assocations!
Remember when we started this? I said that as soon as you even considered you could achieve something it was painful?
Well the brain is a fascinating machine, but it's a lazy one. It will do anything to achieve pleasure and even more to run away from pain.
So when you think of wanting something, and that reminds you of a time that you failed... you suddenly associate all of your own needs and desires... as painful.
Well, that's like being lost on the way to a funeral, you are truly lost, and you NEED to get there to say your goodbyes to someone you love - time is running out, but you don't want to get there, you don't even want to look to try and find your way, because if you did, you would have to say goodbye to someone you love...
What would you do in that moment? Likely you'd just sit there and cry.
Now let me ask you - Isn't that exactly what you do now?
...Oh my god...
I know - I really really know.
How do we change our associations though? I need to change that right?
You do, we do it the same way we created them... through emotion.
Step Five - Taking back your inner strength
Let's recap -
You've figured out what you want - By chipping away what you don't, you've realised that historically you've looked at everyone else to tell you who you are, and that has to stop - you've understood that you do need to actually WANT to look at your goals, instead of running away from them...
You now know that you weren't clear, because clarity meant pain. You understand that, but now we have started to chip away at the finer details - the things you don't want! You're actually defining your own conditions for success, happiness and for clarity...
When you're ready, go to the next article.