No matter how hard you try do things keep falling apart? Maybe the one thing you’re trying to avoid seems to follow you everywhere you go. Why is it, that the same things tend to come back on you, yet others get an easy road?
Why Do These Things Always Happen To Me?
Could it be…because of you?
“No! It’s not because of me!, people ALWAYS treat me a certain way, these bad situations keep occurring over and over, no matter what I do”
You can’t always see the full picture when you’re inside the frame, and if the same situation keeps re-occurring, there will be a trigger to set that in motion. Even though you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
“It’s not my fault! Don’t tell me I’m wrong! This happens no matter what I do! I haven’t done anything to deserve this”
…Please understand, this may not be something you have done wrong, that you were in the wrong or even something you will ever see for yourself even if the evidence is all around you. Instead of being emotionally attached to the situation, try to understand that 40 – 95% of what you do is made up of subconscious habits.
Then what can I do to know if it’s me?
Identify the issue– What is the set of actions that consistently takes place? What is it that always happens to you?
Look at it OBJECTIVELY – A struggle will rise within yourself emotionally to deal with the truth, but you have to set aside your own ego in order to stop you from filtering out the evidence and from being willfully blind. Tell yourself “Regardless of how I feel, I’m going to find out HOW this keeps happening.”
Get all the facts! – Gather all the small steps that led to the issue re-occurring, this could be: Not saving a % of wage every month, Not communicating enough, Ignoring issues until they build up, Not speaking what you need to – when you felt you should have. Not acting when you knew you should. Not addressing issues as they became apparent.
Embrace the responsibility… This may be the most difficult thing for anyone to learn, but to step outside of yourself and admit that you were partly to blame for problems that re-occur is essential to ensuring that you are not faced with the same problems time and time again.
You have the Facts, You have the steps that led to the problem occurring, You may have even written a whole page of excuses but now it’s time to strip that away and
Ask yourself…What could I have done differently? Next to every single small step that built to the issue, note down exactly what you could have done differently.
An abusive partner, friend, or co-worker: Is it possible that if you stood up for yourself and drew the line in the first place that this wouldn’t be the way it currently is?
Poor finances: If I took out one hour a day to learn a subject I’m good at, is there a possibility I could improve my income? If from every payment earned I had saved 3%, would I be in the same situation I am in right now?
Physical body: If every night I decided to eat a bit less, or more healthily and did a small workout, is it possible I could be where I want to be?
Addiction: If I had taken time every day to reflect whether I am in control, or my addiction was in control – Would I keep on using it?
Appreciation: If I had just told that person what I truly felt, Looked after that what I had with more care. Helped others instead of being bitter… Would I still have lost it?
This experiment of self-development is going to be difficult. Possibly even painful.
But deciding to take on your problems is always less painful than allowing them to continue to grow.
Once you identify the ‘red flags’ of your problems, you will not only understand YOURSELF more, but you will also be very aware of when the old problems are beginning to arise, and therefore you will have a strategy to deal with them.
You may be so scared to see the truth that you hide behind excuses, lies, and bitterness. This will leave you empty, unfulfilled, and afraid.
Instead, take a moment to identify why the problems re-occur and take hold of your mistakes that keep on revisiting you.
This will create confidence, fulfillment, growth, a sense of pride, and resilience that will move you to a happier stronger you.